Food has played a significant role in my life since I can think back. In high school, I fell victim to anorexia and food was my enemy. Every bite was split into calories and the less I ate the prouder I was. With the help of a sport nutritionist (I was doing athletics on a high level back then) I found my way back to a regulated eating behavior. But it was just that – a strictly controlled diet with hardly any flexibility.
When I went on an exchange semester in Scotland I lost part of this control and quite quickly the number on the scale increased. (maybe the Scottish food played its part too – just saying) When I was back home, I felt miserable. Diets became my new best friends and I tried everything from Attkins, metabolic balance, Montignac, detox weeks and any low carb diet I could possibly find. During all those efforts to lose weight, I totally lost my joy of life and everything in my head was just circling around food and exercise. I wondered how I can squeeze in another gym session before meeting up with my friends. And even when I managed to drop some kilos, I didn’t get happier.
Only once I started my education in nutrition, I finally started to understand the role food has. Food Is here to fuel our bodies, to give us energy so that we can enjoy our life. Step by step I was able to find my way back to a balanced diet and (finally) eating enough. It’s amazing to wake up in the morning and look forward to breakfast, to enjoy lunch with a friend and to go out for dinner without being afraid of the food (at least most of the time – I do have my setbacks and struggles, but that’s ok). I'm still enjoying my time at the gym, lifting weights, joining spinning classes and recently doing yoga. But the fitness studio does not control my life anymore. It’s a totally different lifestyle to feel the energy in your body, to not plan the gym around your life but to make room for interactions with friends. It was a long process, and the journey is for sure not finished yet, but I have learned to nourish my body the way he needs it.
My eating disorder journey is a long process but looking back on all my old pictures from different stages of this disorder, I am very proud on where I am today.